Yeah, we all get it. Weird nights when despite being exhausted, we just can't sleep.
I have a particularly weird insomnia course. It never lasts more than a few days and it really doesn't feel that bad. It's just hard to do anything that requires a brain. Which begs the quetion why I'm writing a post right now... Anyhoo...
Thing is about my insomnia is that I still dream, but my mind gets caught up in these loops of thought and conscious thought and unconscious thought get all jumbled. Toss my penchant for panic attacks on top of that, it makes for a rather unique set of sensations. So, I'm going to try my best to recreate a snippet of that brain loop.
June 5 2010
As soon as your head hits the pillow, almost begging for sweet slumber's embrace, that the onslaught of paradoxical thoughts comes.
You have to give form 45-E to the High Committee watcher, yet there's a cat mewling outside the bedroom window. Your eyes won't open. Your mother is telling you to get your socks on before you miss the bus, but don't forget to bring form 45-E to the foreman. But wait, Form 45-E is an envelope and somehow your mind won't let you see the top of it. And your hand semi-consciously flits to your nose to scratch it. Wow, I'm really tired. Could you shut the hell up brain? Not until you get out of the forest with From 45-E signed by the representatives of the Extradimensional Research Committee. And maybe if you can somehow open that envelppe. OK, let's MAKE me able to open that envelope. Oh wait, there's some sort of danger, that oppressive feeling has gripped my heart. My God, if I fall asleep, I'll die! WAKE UP!
Eyes flick open, you rest your head back on the pillow and exhale in frustration. Yup, only 6 more hours of pretending I can sleep, and I can get up and live in a fog. Hooray...