These terms are so cliché I kind of itch writing them down. But when bad things happen, there's a measure of one of those that needs to happen at some point. And this is coming from an expert wallower.
Now, I'm not here to give anyone advice on how to begin anew/move on/start over. Talk to Dr. Phil or your mom or read a book or drink it into place. Whatever works for you.
But we all have to take a minute and admire when those wheels start turning. It's almost like the feeling a kid gets on Christmas morning when he/she discovers that Santa DID get them that Xbox. Or when a guy discovers that girls actually DO like sex. It's this totally awesome revelation of "Hey, whoever/whatever set me back or hurt me isn't going to end me and there's so much else that's worth discovering and focusing on". And that phenomenon of self-discovery is worth writing about!
May 12, 2010
Bill couldn't remember exactly when it hit him, when he realized that the dead end his life hasd become needed to change or he needs to blow his brains out, but it hit him. Maybe it was that dream he had where all his old friends, people he hadn't seen in years, were gathered at his parents' cottage having a massive barbecue. They were all enjoying themselves, chatting and laughing. And somehow, Bill was invisible to all of them,. He tried talking to them and no sound came. It was like he was a ghost.
He woke up with a start, not even daring to contemplate wheterh or not the party was his wake. But as consciousness worked its way into his brain, a feeling took him over, a sense that he had faded from life, a life full of love and friendship and wonder, all because he'd been laid off.
Yes, it had been his dream job: working in commercial production, doing storyboards for some of the funniest advertisements ever seen on TV. But, times got tough and they had to let him go, after 12 years. It decimated his self-esteem. He couldn't f find a reason to get up in the morning. He'd barely been aware of receiving severance pay or collecting EI cheques. He would order his groceries online, ensconced in his condo like a hermit. The only people he spoke to were members of his World of Warcraft clan...
His girlfriend gave up on him after a couple of weeks, she'd never been one to date losers. His mom stopped calling after a month. He felt utterly abandoned, alone, inconsequential.
And then, something stirred in his mind. The night he had the dream, an old friend from high school had looked him up on Facebook and they chatted back and forth for hours. She reminded him of all the things they used to do together: writing comic books, bike rides along the Ottawa River, debating philosophy and dancing all night. It was the first time a smile had crawled onto his face in months. It reminded him that he could always belong, no matter if time and space kept him from his peers.
And then, the dream showed him where he'd been going, how he was in danger of vanishing.
So, the next morning, he woke up early, feeling like he could move mountains, grabbed a copy of the daily paper, and spent the day job-hunting. That night, he went to visit his mom, to ensure her that he was going to be alright, that he was now ready to be.